ms-vindicta

a dog pisses over a tree to mark its territory.

it doesn’t like it if before its piss has dried, another dog comes along and pisses on that particular tree.

yet at the same time, the dog wants to move on to other trees and mark them as its territory.

it might be selfish of the dog, but it wants the tree to still be there, and still marking the scent of its pee if the dog wishes to turn back.

conclusion?

the dog deserves to be shot.

and perhaps, the tree chopped down. 

i know many of you are surprised with regards to the breakup, shocked even.

to those whom i’ve spoken to, i’ve given all of you the same answer: i simply got bored.

it’s a weird phenomenon, cause this was what happened with the previous ex too.

we get along fine for about a year, then suddenly, the love dissipates overnight.

you don’t anticipate meeting him anymore, don’t want to even. you have no urge to text him, kiss him, have physical contact.  

of course with the previous ex i went along pretending gamingly for a much longer period because i was young then, and quite oblivious.  

this time round, it didn’t feel good lying to him, so i tried to end it quickly, and as much as possible, painlessly.

it really does seem like the problem lies with me, since i’m the one who gets oh-so-bored easily, but some friends claim otherwise, quipping it’s the guys i pick.

oh well, in any case, i’m probably going to remain single for a while.

i hope!

"you know we can still be friends, right?"

"and you do know you’re being very politically correct right?"

"well, it seems like that’s almost the right thing to say after ending a relationship."

 - - - - - - - -

 it’s been an amazing one year with you.

i’ve changed, i’ve learnt, and i’ve loved.

and now we let go.  

and because too many things happened, i’m gonna do this in point form.

as usual.

- clubbing at st james day before birthday.

- couldn’t find a table, have to resort to acting coy to middle-aged men in hopes of sharing their tables

- realised there’s a disgusting amount of old ppl at st james on friday nights.

- manages to find a table.

- runs off to the dancefloor. 

- boyfriend got drunk, ruok got drunk.

- got picked up by two creeps, one was very touchy-feely, the other kept sniffing my hair and whispering the lyrics of pussycat dolls’ "don’t cha" into my ear.

- got creeped out by his "i know you want me, i know you do" and cynthia helped me chase him away.

- gave the first creep a fake mobile number. 

- boogied till club closed. 

- spent my birthday with the boyfriend cause it was our anniversary too! (smart boy eh? just have to give me one gift for two significant events. )

- planned to head to the zoo then have a picnic but lousy weather made us call that off

- boyfriend cooked up a storm; pasta, mushroom soup and chawanmushi while i snoozed

- snuggling in front of the tv, anthony bourdain, plenty of love

- i am 20 and i’ve been with the boyfriend for a year! 

- thursday at wala = shirlyn returns from new york!

- tiong, ruok and the rest paotohed me by telling the band it was my birthday and screaming "eileen! headlights!" unanimously.

- the band ends up singing happy birthday to me and addressing it to headlights while making me stand on a stool.

- the whole of wala knows i’m "headlights".

- shirlyn says i’m small everywhere else but there.

- i don’t know where to hide my face.

- i go to the toilet and there are strangers saying, "happy birthday, headlights!" 

- i come back and tiong orders a waterfall.

- i suck up the waterfall.

- DPL and r3g buys me a huge-ass mug of konig.

- i suck up the konig.

- someone passes me a glass of vodka lime.

- i suck up a bit of it.

- ginger and gingerbreadman buy me a cake.

- i blow out the candles.

- 20 mins later, i feel woozy.

- the rest of the night i spent rushing in and out of the toilet at wala, puking my guts out.

- cynthia and ruok carry (literally) me out of wala and into a cab.

- ruok sends me home, i puke at the void deck.

- i enter my room, throw my stuff on the ground, climbed onto my bed and promptly fell asleep with my makeup, contacts and accessories still on.

- i wake up the next morning and puke the night’s dinner out, twice.

- i made the startling realisation that it’s the most i’ve ever puked in a day - 9. (yes, even in the past with the ED. power huh?) 

- i spend my last day at work with a hangover.

so yes, all in all, although it doesn’t sound like it,   i had an awesome birthday.

thank you everyone for the birthday wishes, (there’re too many names and i’m too lazy to list out all of you!  you know who you are) and gifts.

and though i don’t look like i’m 20 and i certainly don’t feel like i’m 20, fact is, i am.

oh well, just got to suck it up, like i do with most other things.

happy 20th to me!  

whenever i head out somewhere and the place’s bloody crowded, i have a habit of blaming it all on the people.

scenarios that took place before:

*spots tons of ppl in a shopping mall on a weekday afternoon*

"WTF! so crowded?! don’t these ppl have to work?"

*spots tons of ppl in a foodcourt after work*

"WTF! so crowded?! don’t these ppl eat at home?"

*spots tons of ppl buying food from the sph building canteen*

"WTF! so crowded?! don’t these ppl get sick of the food here?"

you get the drift. and yes, i do know it’s ironic that i’m making these exclaimations although i’m doing exactly what these ppl are doing, shopping on a weekday afternoon, eating out after work and buying lunch from the pathetic sph canteen.

but anyway.

today.

*spots tons of ppl still on the train at 11.30 on a weeknight which means i don’t get a seat*

"WTF! so crowded? don’t these ppl have to sleep?"

afterwhich the boyfriend took a glance at the cabins and quipped,

"well, they are sleeping. in the train that is."

and you know what, he was right.

bah! 

- dance classes are not for me. i’m taking them up so i can shake my booty better on the dancefloor, not flail my arms about wildly and do locking and popping and isolations for 1 hour weekly.

- i wonder if bikram yoga is for me?

- guys who stare always avert their gazes when you stare right back at them. hum jis!

- i’m unimpressed by wealth, either in the monetary sense or sexual experience.

- just because you’re left-handed doesn’t necessarily mean you’re smarter. i swear my life on this.

- if you sit at your seat long enough and don’t move, you can actually manage not to feel cold amidst the freezing office.

- saliva is an awesome substitute for lubricant. (i probably shouldn’t be blogging this but i can’t resist!)

- you can never be skinny around your boyfriend’s mother. if she’s not plying you with prawn noodles, she’s sticking a ice-cream cone into your face.

- 10 months doesn’t feel like 10 months at all. common consensus between me and the boyfriend. i lub dub you baby.

just us three are hiong enough, no need for more clubbing kakhis!

*scene takes place in st james’ boiler room*

the boyfriend lies slumped over a chair in the corner amidst the thumping music.

the boyfriend’s norwegian friend whom i’m meeting for the first time comes up to me.

"so you’re the girlfriend?"

"mm hmm."

"ya know, last week when i met him, he couldn’t stop raving about you! he was talking about you non-stop."

*tries to hide grin from flashing across face*

"really?"

"yea man, he’s super into you."

and later when the boyfriend has sobered up, i smugly inform him of the conversation.

and yes, he was thoroughly embarrassed.

it’s funny how the love i feel for him fluctuates.

sometimes i get annoyed over every little thing he innocently does, and yet at times, i feel a surge of love everytime i look at him.

i was listening to this new song over 91.3 recently, and i thought it very aptly described our situation, with my mum not knowing about him yet, and if, IF ONLY AH, we ever get married, how he would have to wait for me to hit that age where i’m suitable for marriage because of the huge age gap between us.

there you go.

we were only kids, we ran like water.

your dad said, stay away from my daughter.

the sun was coming down when i said, can you just believe?

and if you wait for me,

i’ll be the light in the dark if you lose your way.

and if you wait for me,

i’ll be your voice when you don’t know what to say.

i’ll be your shelter,

i’ll be your fate.

i’ll be forever,

wait for me.

i’ll be the last train,

i’ll be the last train home.

ya lah, i know i super emo.  

me and you on the train, perfectly comfortable with the silence enveloping us, save for the flipping of the pages as we trough through our books.

you not missing a beat and offering your shoulder as i closed my book, guessing i was tired without as much me passing you a glance. 

you and me on the train, my face plastered in the little nook between your shoulder and neck, breathing in your scent, resting my soul.

you, arm filled with pins and needles. and yet, not bringing yourself to wake me up.

if you’ve been following my plurk religiously, you would know that i’m involved in a project, in the form of a blogshop.

since everyone’s opening a blogshop on livejournal these days, we figured we should do it too, especially since we’re a creative bunch of girls.

when it has officially launched, be sure to patronise it okay!

but anyway, this entry is about our photoshoot for our first collection.

me and thiang are the models, since we’re both petite, and i do well in filling out the low-cut dresses. *coughs*

we chose the botanic gardens as the location for our shoot since we all thought it’ll do well as a scenic background, plus there’s shade and toilets!

we were wrong.

when me, shy, kimo and esther reached, we were at the entrance, near the visitor centre.

thiang was all the way at the opposite end, near another visitor centre.

so we thought we’d meet in the middle.

little did we know, there are actually quite a number of visitor centres in the botanics, and yea, we ended up at two different spots again.

after we finally met up, by which then we were already sweating bucketloads, we had to lug along all the clothes and accessories (in a luggage bag, no less) to spots which were suitable for shooting.

when we found one, with a venderah!, it had no toilets in sight.

so okay lor, improvise, kimo and esther had to hold up two pieces of cloth to shield us from the prying eyes of passer-bys, while me and thiang made haste with the changing.

i have to admit, it was quite fun though, prancing around lamposts and trees, and secretly putting the poses off America’s Next Top Model to good use.

one thing i realised, my hair is very much a problem when it comes to styling.

because i know nuts about styling, i usually leave my hair down, and just hold it up with a headband.

the girls thought i could do better with it though, and started fiddling, twisting, knotting, and doing all sorts of funny things with it.

i ended up with a poofy hairdo, a madcap high ponytail, and a frenchbraid.

so yes, i’m seriously considering sending my mum/sister to them for hair styling lessons, so that they can help do my hair back at home.

i hate my hair.

in other matters, a series of rather funny events took place last night at wala, and the following conversation between me and the boyfriend was what ensued.

if you find the circumstances in the conversation familar to the situation you’re currently in, don’t feel offended hor, it is but ONLY a discussion.

yes, i know i do appear mildly shameless.

but hey, if you’re not gonna validate yourself, who’s going to?